taxi cab confessions

So I have to take a cab at least 3 times a week. Tuesday through Thursday I work at Backstreet Records from 11 am to 5 pm, then at a Media Lab of UNB from 5 pm to 10 pm. If you take careful note you'll see the ending and starting time of the day/night job transfer is pretty darn close... one could say identical. Through the grace of my indispensibleness (sp? wd?) I make it work by leaving the first job about 5 min. early and getting to the second about 5 min. late. But the in between moments find me in... a cab.

A large percentage of my cab rides are uneventful. Lately I've been tending to get drivers who say very little, except when facing imminent collision with something. Even then it's more noises from the chest than actual verbal communication. Of those that do speak most are fun to talk to... ranging from the "weather" and "traffic" banalities all the way up real conversations. And since I take so many cabs, all from the same cab company, these conversations sometimes pick up after days/weeks have elapsed.

There exists a breed of driver who is wholly other, though. They speak, yes, and a lot. But rather than conversations what they have is a one man/woman play that has non-stop showings as long as the passenger seat is full. Here is the recent showing:

Today: Since you didn't ask

Scene: Cab pulls up to the curb on Queen St. Catch a quick glimpse of the driver as I open the door and slide into my seat: about 275 lbs. Unshaven. Smells like a haybale left out behind a butcher's shop.

DRIVER:[...as I'm getting in cab] Hey, Backstreet Recorrrrdsssss!!!

ME: Heh heh, yeah I...

DRIVER: Almost didn't make it there, traffic, and... traffic. Ha Ha.

ME: Yeah, well, uh, Marshall D'Avray Hall, UNB... VIP.

DRIVER: Got a VIP to UNB, yeah!!! I feel like a VIP too. Got me a big doe over the weekend.

ME: Oh, uh, that's...

DRIVER: Yeah! I go way back in the woods, couple of miles, that's the way I hunt. It's the only way to hunt if you ask me. Give the deers a chance. Meet them where they live. Not putting bait out and waiting... going out and finding them.

ME: Yeah, that's...

DRIVER: And I love the meat. Deer steaks. It was a big doe. There's gonna be lots. I guess I blame it on my father... he took me out rabbit hunting when I was six. A bunch of us used to go out pheasant hunting with pellet guns back then too. But this deer, she took a long time to get out of the woods. Big.

ME: Yeah, and it's...

DRIVER: Ground's soft. Mud. Took four hours to drag out. Shoulder's killing me where I had the ropes... but I got 'er out. Ran into three guys I know just at the end, helped me get her onto the car. I said, "where were you guys four hours ago?" but still it was a help. I don't think we're going to turn here [Brunswick St.] Traffic. Go all the way up. Yeah anyway, I'll have steaks for a while. And I like them. That's why I hunt. [passing Jewish assembly hall on Westmorland, lights are on] Must be something going on in there. "Established 1968." That's nearly when I was established... I'm a few years earlier... 1962. But I probably was established earlier... ha ha... I was born in January, so I guess I was established in 1961, ha ha. [getting to the corner of Westmorland and Dundonald] I should've turned before. Now here's the traffic. No wait... [truck Eastbound on Dundonald signalling to turn left on Westmorland, car more slowly approaching Westbound signalling to turn right on Westmorland... truck hesitates making the left hand across the two lanes] ...ahhhh, thought we'd caught a break there!!! He could've made that turn... the other guy was coming so slow...

ME: Well that's...

DRIVER: I could've made it. But I guess I'm out here all the time, you learn how to do it. Five years driving, 70 hours a week, no accidents, all my points. It's like whatever you study... you study?

ME: ...Me? Well yeah, but not now, I...

DRIVER: ...And whatever you studied you got good at right? I couldn't do it, I didn't study it. But I drive. I have my whole family on my insurance policy, you know. And it's only $80 a month. I was supposed to make my payment on Monday, but I didn't make it in, because I was in the woods getting my deer, you remember? Anyway the girl, she said, "Well, It was due yesterday," but I couldn't help it... I was in the woods, things come up. But she was just teasing me anyway. I've been going to them for 25 years. Allstate. My whole family's on my policy. But you can never get far ahead with cash... even when you're saving on payments. Just on my way to work the other day, hole in my transmission... took my whole week's pay, then I was late with rent... not that it's a problem, I rent from a buddy... but you think you're a little ahead then, WHAM! No more. [pulling onto campus] You want the front of D'Avray...?

ME: The back is fine.

DRIVER: Yeah! I took the back way in a few times when I was younger... ha ha. I had a buddy took the back way in one time... the back way into the house to see this guy's wife, but the guy found out... so it didn't go over, y'know. But, it's ironic... the guy ran after my buddy with a bat, a baseball bat, and eventually caught up and gave him one right in the mouth... broke all my buddy's front teeth, y'know? But in the end the guy had to pay for the dental to fix it... ironic. Right? OK, here we are.

End Scene

Next time I'll tell you the tale of the middle age lesbian and her reincarnated cat.