Cuts Like a Knife

The power of the simile in poetry (a descriptive word preceded by the word "like" or "as") is usually generated by an unexpected disjunction between the action and/or the word used to describe it... though not too disjunctive so as to enter into the world of non-sequitur or verging upon the opposite, thereby involving irony.

For example:

Cuts like a smile... fairly good simile... a smile is usually a beneficial gesture, but when it is insincere or mocking... then it can "cut"... plus bonus points for the possibility of teeth being involved in cutting.

Whereas:

Cuts like a platypus

or

Cuts like a cricket bat

not so effective.

Had a weekend (well, Sunday-Tuesday) visiting parents which went by fairly easily. Overdosed on white trash court TV yesterday. What I've learned is that you should never provide anyone you love/like/trust with a cell phone/rental car/apartment room. Also the only people who commit senseless acts upon each other are either black, white and fat, or black/white with neck tattoos, teased hair, smoky glasses. I don't really have a favourite amongst them. Judge Judy is the most straightforward, aimed least obviously at the lowest common denominator (LCD) plus she has the best bailiff. Judge Marilyn Milian on the People's Court is a younger, sassier version of Judy... with added ethnic heat (she can cuss the plaintiffs out in their native tongues). Then you have Judge Joe Brown and Judge Mathis... more or less the same shtick... but of the two I'd have to give JB the edge for looking irretrievably worn out, pissed off, etc... and for letting the two sides yell at each other like two year olds before he booms out to them his assessment of their place in the food chain... plus bonus points for the court reporter with the best hair... Jacque Kessler.

One of the newer shows (and most bizarre) in the genre is Moral Court (I've just discovered that it isn't new... just ran for 2000-2001 before being cancelled... thank goodness for daytime reruns). Essentially the way this one works is you rat out friends and family for being complete bastards (i.e. one of the litigants squealed on his brothers' scam of smuggling in dead bugs to restaurants and sprinkling them in entrées of restaurants with bad service). The judge (Judge Elder) then assesses whether the defendants are immoral for their shenanigans... or perhaps the litigant is immoral for being such a tattling ninny... then the winner gets $500. Easy! but Weird! We should have that here in Fredericton. I'll be a bastard to you if you split the cash with me later. Promise?

All the commercials during the 4+ hour block of human misery are for other "real" lawyers who want to sue anyone you say is responsible for your own stupidity... for prescription drugs that could (in rare occasions) kill you while they fix your sleeplessness or itchy scalp... for services to reconnect your telephone after the phone company has cut you off for non-payment... and for various academies of learning that teach skills like TECHNOLOGY... (ie computers, y'know computers, why you so stupeed, stupeed?)... or my favourite the one for cosmetology where the "success story" graduates liken their hair dressing to poetry, sculpture and the mood altering power of prescription drugs.

Ah well.

You may have noticed that certain links and pictures on this blog (and the others) are either changed or inoperative. It's a slight case of server re-routing I'm trying to get solved... pray for me... It's a UNB issue.

But for now here are a few photos of the triumphant return of Marc Bragdon!!!